“Young man, why are you eating that fish?”
“Because I love fish,” the young man answers.
“Oh, you love the fish. That’s why you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it. Don’t tell me you love the fish. You love yourself, and because the fish tastes good to you, therefore you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.”
The above story is from Rabbi Abraham Twerski’s video in Youtube about Fish love.
I didn’t write this to soothe you by saying you’re right and patronizing you by saying you deserve better and people who have fish love don’t deserve you or otherwise advising you negatively that love is toxic.
“Yes, I know, I met people like this who have only fish love.” This must be the immediate thought for anyone reading the story. I bet most of the folks who read the above story only end up transferring this notion to some other person in their life who hurt them in the name of love.
Deep inside, we know, we too had few fish loves if not many. Yet, we apply this to others, not to our own self. We are good advocates of ourselves and not a good judge. We are good at judging the other person.
We need to accept the fact that we can’t change others and we can’t make them love us just because we love them. Blaming them to have ‘fish love’ for us isn’t going to do anything good for us or for our broken heart.
This is not philosophy. I am trying to be practical. The only thing you can do when you met persons like that, you can avoid becoming their fish. Life is unfair at times, the world might be cruel. But you chose to be loving and you better not be another one’s fish while loving. Romance comes next to love.
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